I just finished hosting my first workshop this past weekend. Incorporating a yoga practice along with The Demartini® Method for Groups. Today I sent everyone a follow up letter, part of it reads like this "I'm learning what it feels like to no longer be "at the effect" of what others say or do, and if something pushes my buttons I go back and apply the methodology." I had an intuitive feeling as I was writing those words that they would bite me in the a**. I was right. A few hours later I'm sitting here, tears running down cheeks and applying exactly what I spent most of Saturday presenting to the attendees.
More challenge, more buttons to be pushed, it doesn't stop.
My "story" is telling me that someone I love very much is trying to punish me. Punishing me for not showing up in life how they want me to. And, poor me all I ever do is give them unconditional love and support (I call BS). If there was a grade awarded to being a victim, I'm giving myself an A+ right now.
I feel like as I'm writing this (and waking up from my story, my self imposed suffering,)that a light bulb just went on. I can feel a split in my thinking, a shift; part of me is fighting to maintain that I have been wronged, while the other part sees the perfection it all.
An opportunity for me heal, to look at where in my life I have punished people for not showing up how I want them to. "I'll show you..." That's part of my story and it's part of the vengeful Jackie - there it is I said it. I am vengeful. I own it. I accept it. I embrace it. It's a whole lot harder to embrace the things we label as "bad", but when we judge something we aren't allowing ourselves to see the event in its entirety. There are two sides to every coin, yes?
I've actually just made a list of every vengeful thing I can remember doing, and I can feel the burden being lifted as I write this. If you were at my workshop you'll remember that there are a few more steps to neutralizing this, but as I take myself through the process I see how this has served me. Heck, it even inspired this post! An opportunity to be real and vulnerable to all of you, to let you know life never stops giving us what we need to be challenged and grow. One more layer of the most massive onion, being peeled off.
So another wake up call, another way that I get to share with you the gifts we are being given by the people in our lives everyday. Another one of life's little miracles...
"A miracle can be viewed simply as a change in perception, and changes in perception can happen over time or instantaneously. Quantum theorists say our consciousness influences the environment that surrounds us. And consciousness is influenced by perception, which means that changes in perception can alter the world around you. Whether you want to look at this from a spiritual point of view, or a scientific point of view--we think it is miraculous that your world can be altered when you see things in a new light."
UCHE ODIATU & KARY ODIATU, introduction, The Miracle of Health